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sex and relationships
Confession: My New Year’s resolutions this year were terribly mundane.
In 2023, after a somewhat disastrous 12 months of dating, I decided to be proactive and turn things around.
I’m to the point where I accept some responsibility for my terrible dating behavior last year.
Thanks to a lot of brutal but fair feedback from friends, my body language doesn’t seem to scream “come closer” when I’m out and about.
I preferred to just focus on my friends, my phone, and the cocktail menu.
Every night, I’d say to the girls, “Oh, I wish you’d pick me up tonight,” but I’d inevitably ignore every guy I saw, and I’d wake up the next day wondering why on earth the other side of the bed was empty. I wondered if there was one.
Sure, I could have just swiped the app left or right, but don’t get me wrong – I did that!
But I admit I left many of them as read.
Yes, I was that annoying person who would match with someone and then completely forget about them.
It’s safe to say that even though I thought I was ready to date again, my actions indicated otherwise.
However, this year feels different. I finally kicked the two men who were in the distracting situation to the curb (hold the applause, please stop, now you’re just getting me into trouble), and I felt I’m open to dating someone who is available to me.
With that in mind, I’ve been looking for little tips and tricks for meeting someone in real life and appearing approachable.
Maybe it was the universe, or some kind of god, or the ghost of Marilyn Monroe, but I couldn’t help but come across a technique that’s all the rage on TikTok and seems like the perfect cure. .
It’s called the Marilyn Monroe effect, and it has five clear and precise rules.
Before we get into it, we should probably explain what the Marilyn Monroe effect is.
It refers to the famous movie star, signifying the seductive blend of confidence, sensuality, and femininity that she brilliantly personifies.
In one of the many TikTok videos currently making the rounds, psychology student Michaela Wilson explains: “Marilyn can basically walk around wearing exactly the same thing and run her errands completely unnoticed, and if she turns on her Marilyn persona, people will come.” Until her, people didn’t recognize her. , she suddenly came into the limelight and became a star.
“Psychologists use this all the time to explain to patients that confidence is a way of being yourself and that being attractive is just body language.”
I decided to give it a try at the New Year’s Day event I was scheduled to go to on Monday, January 1st. It was a busy bar so we knew it would be filled with hot singletons so it was a good place to try.
There are five rules for maximizing the Marilyn Monroe effect, and thankfully, they’re not that difficult to follow.
1. Have open body language – Don’t stare at your phone all the time. Create a friendly appearance by holding your chin high and shoulders back.
2. Make eye contact with people
3. Walk slowly and control your body movements – Do not rush or make unorganized body movements.
4. Maintain proper posture in the room – Don’t stay in the corner or in the back. Focus on yourself.
5. Smile back at people
I also thought it would be helpful to include some of Marilyn’s more physical characteristics. So I chose a dress that accentuated the parts of my body that I liked best (my breasts and curvaceous hips) and concealed the parts I disliked (my stomach and large forehead).
So I chose a nice silk dress that accentuated my tatas in a way I thought was classy and skimmed my Christmas pudding belly. I also decided to add lots of volume to my hair and add eyelashes. Oh, and a good lipstick. There’s not a lot of Audrey Hepburn and there’s a lot of Marilyn Monroe.
I then invited some friends over for a glass of Dutch Courage (also known as Champagne) and headed to the Watsons Bay Hotel in Sydney.
The first hurdle upon arrival was rule number three. As you know, we were already starting to run late, so we wanted to take a quick lap around the neighborhood to find friends and check out some eye candy. However, the rules clearly state that you must “walk slowly and control your body movements.” Easier said than done for a girl with slightly ADHD tendencies.
Still, I slowed down just in time. Thankfully it made for a much better entrance. By the time I found my mixed-sex friends, I seemed much calmer and less excited.
Fortunately, I received three different compliments from the men in the group: “Oh, I love your dress.” And I thanked Marilyn’s ghost for stopping me from coming in like a sweaty hurricane and ruining my first impression.
The other rule that stumbled on me a bit was rule 1, which influenced rule 2. Have open body language and make eye contact. When it was my turn to get a drink, I booed for the first time. I ordered a drink, tapped my card, and instead of just waiting for the bartender to pour me a drink, I immediately pulled out my phone and started scrolling through Instagram. This meant my body language was closed off and I wasn’t making eye contact with anyone. OK, this rule is a little more difficult than when it first appeared.
I vowed to myself that the next time I went to a bar, I would be completely open. By that stage I had already consumed two watermelon seltzers, so that made things a little easier. Huzza!
(Side note: The Marilyn Monroe effect will either get me a boyfriend or turn me into a booze hound. Lord knows which. But I don’t accept Marilyn’s nature too well. I didn’t want to.)
Nevertheless, I won…and then when I started laying down the rules, suddenly something funny happened. I started talking to strangers. By staying away from my phone, smiling when people make eye contact, not sulking in the corner, and keeping my body language friendly and approachable, I’ve realized that everyone loves a good chat. Ta.
Whether you’re waiting in a long bathroom line, navigating a packed dance floor, or just trying to avoid having to wait too long to pee, your new friend is waiting in that bathroom line. Whether it’s when you sneak into the men’s room with a -friend-friend. Everyone likes a good compliment, a laugh, and the sharing of gossip.
By the end of the night, I’m at random people’s house parties, chatting up a storm with one guy, getting dating advice from another guy with whom I’m in a happy, healthy relationship, and having sex with another guy. I noticed that we had exchanged phone numbers.
Marilyn, you did a great job!
It may sound like nonsense, but why not give it a try? Even if it’s just for one night, put your phone out of reach, wear clothes that make you feel good, and follow these five steps. You won’t feel comfortable right away, but I think the more you do it, the easier it will be.
Will this be the year that brings us all together? Lord, I hope so!
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